Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you remember whose house we're in?
soo... how was my night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
