I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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