Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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