i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
