ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
