I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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