She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
