I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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