now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
