I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
