What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
