I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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