I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
