You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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