Got a toothbrush?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
