There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
