I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
