One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
