3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
