My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
