all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
