chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
