On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
