Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
