I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
