Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
