Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
