Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
