A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
