I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
