More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
