ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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