At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
