i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
