if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
