The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
