I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
