I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
