i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
