The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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