Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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