chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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