If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
