My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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