I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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