So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
