My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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