He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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