Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
