If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
