what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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