GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
