I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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