My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
