I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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