He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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